Testimony

I was born and raised in a Christian home in Indiana.  My dad’s family was from Kentucky, and we often went to visit in the summer.  Usually when we went, my aunts, uncles and cousins went at the same time.

On one of these trips, when I was probably about six, my older sister, my aunt Rita and I were playing church in the front yard.  My sister was the “preacher” and she brought a hell-fire-and-damnation message that scared me to death.  I ran into the house, crying my eyes out and saying that I didn’t want to go to Hell.  My great-grandfather, Dan Allen, took me aside and told me that I didn’t have to go to Hell.  He then explained that all I had to do was ask Jesus to come into my heart and to be my Savior.  I became a child of God that day.

Throughout the years, I thought I was a good Christian and had a good relationship with God.  However, several years ago I fell into the pit of clinical depression.  I knew I shouldn’t be depressed, I knew that God had blessed every area of my life, but somehow I couldn’t crawl out of the pit. After six months, I sought medical help.  With the help of medication, I returned to my normal self. 

During my depression, I got mad at God.  I knew He could make it go away, yet He chose not to.  Fortunately, I didn’t quit talking to Him, although most of the time I was letting Him know just exactly how I felt about His lack of action.  One night, I finally told Him, “God, I don’t care what You want.  I want what I want, and if You won’t give it to me, then get out of my way and let me try to get it myself.”  The words He spoke to my heart were as clear as a bell…”Princess, I love you too much to let that happen.”  My spirit was broken.  I told God that if He wanted my heart, He could have it, but He would have to pick up all the splintered pieces because I wasn’t able.

Not long after I started feeling normal again, I attended Spirit Song, a 3-day Christian music festival at King’s Island.  One evening, while worshipping God with several thousand other people, I had an experience that changed my life.  It felt like God had taken His love for me, put it in a bucket, and just poured it over my head.  In the July heat, I felt like cool water was flowing over me.  It was the most incredible experience of my life.  There simply are no words to describe it.

From that time on, I have truly had a relationship with my Daddy.  All those years I thought I had a good relationship with Him, I had no clue what I was missing.  The Good Shepherd brought this wandering sheep back to where she needed to be, and I will never try to take control of my life again.  His will is my will.  And I have joy that the demons from the pits of Hell cannot take away from me.

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